


Hypocrite

by omg_itscharlie



Series: Differ [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt Alec, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Sad, post 2x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 10:56:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11758365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omg_itscharlie/pseuds/omg_itscharlie
Summary: “You said that when things get crazy I shouldn’t push you away, so why did you push me away?”





	Hypocrite

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thelandofphan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelandofphan/gifts).



> i wrote this after watching 2x18 but haven't got around to posting it until now, so this follows what happened in that episode but doesn't contain anything from 2x19 in it
> 
> dedicated to thelandofphan because even though she isn't part of this fandom, she's my bestie and she always supports any writing that i do
> 
> i don't have a beta for this so if there are any mistakes please don't hesitate to tell me in the comments :)

Alec couldn’t believe what had just happened, he refused to believe it. He wanted it to just be a dream, something he could wake up from and pretend never happened. But this wasn’t a dream, it wasn’t even a nightmare, it was his life, and the love of it had just stepped into that elevator with his heart.

He could feel the sting of tears at the back of his eyes, his vision beginning to swim as he continued to stare at the closed elevator doors. Magnus’ words kept repeating themselves over and over in his head, how he couldn’t have both, how he didn’t choose him.

From inside Max’s room, he could hear his family murmuring amongst themselves; he knew he should go back in there and join them. Max was the most important thing right now and Alec couldn’t let anything else come above him, even if he felt numb, even if all he could think of was the man who had just left him behind. He should walk back in and smile at his little brother, tell him that they’d find Sebastian, that everything would be okay soon.

Instead, he turned around and walked, not even thinking of where he was going, not even seeing through the tears blurring the world around him.

He didn’t stop walking until he reached his room, not that it felt much like it was actually his own room after spending so many nights at Magnus’ loft. It was then that Alec finally let the tears fall.

 

-

 

The next day was a blur, and that was only partially due to the fact that Alec hadn’t slept at all the night before.

They’d finally figured out the true location of the mirror, or, truthfully, Clary had figured it out, when she ultimately realised that her nightmares were in fact visions from an angel. The difficult part after that was deciding what to do with the information.

Everything within Alec was telling him that their first move should be to inform the Clave, but he wasn’t too willing to trust them after what had happened with the Soul Sword. He knew he had to tell the Downworlders, that they deserved to know more than anyone this time round – he wasn’t willing to make the same mistakes again, he just wasn’t sure what the best way to tell them would be.

“Maybe we should call an emergency council meeting, get everyone here, tell them all together,” Jace suggested.

“It would take too long to get the word out and to have them all get here,” Izzy responded, “it’d be quicker to tell them individually.”

Alec nodded in agreement, “Izzy’s right, we need to tell them as soon as possible. Clary, you go to Luke; Izzy, you tell Raphael; Jace, you can go to the Seelies; and I’ll- I’ll go to Magnus.”

“Alec, you don’t have to do that, I can go see him instead,” Clary looked at him, sympathy in her eyes.

“No, you’re closest to the werewolves, it’d be best for you to tell them,” Alec sucked in a deep breath, looking anywhere but at his friends, “I can talk to Magnus, it’ll be fine.”

None of them looked convinced, if anything they just looked more and more concerned, but Alec ignored them, he knew he had to do this. He couldn’t count on them to be objective if one of the others were to go instead of him – Izzy definitely wouldn’t stay quiet, and neither would Jace, he could feel how much his parabatai was hurting, even Clary would be likely to say something, even if her and Alec still had a rocky relationship.

 

-

 

That was what led to Alec standing outside of Magnus’ apartment, hand raised as though he was going to knock, yet he hadn’t gathered up the courage to do so yet. He knew he should’ve let Jace or Izzy come in his place, or even Clary, but they each had their own people to go talk to.

The Shadowhunter would loathe to admit it, but he physically jumped when the door before him swung open.

“Are you just going to stand out there all night?” Magnus’ voice carried from further inside the loft, but there wasn’t his usual teasing with it, instead his tone was blank.

Alec walked into the loft, following the sound of Magnus into the lounge where the warlock was sprawled along one couch, drink in hand, an air of absolute indifference about him. It took all the restraint Alec had for him not to react, to maintain a blank expression, his body easily falling into the parade rest as it had since he was a young boy.

“Why are you here?”

“We have discovered the location of the mortal mirror, and believed it would be best to inform the members of the council of this before we take any information to the Clave,” Alec looked straight ahead as he spoke, not trusting himself to be able to get the words out while looking at Magnus.

“I thought you’d already found the mirror?”

“We thought we had but when Clary tried to deactivate it like she had done with the Soul Sword, it destroyed the mirror, which wouldn’t have happened if it had been a real Mortal Instrument.” Alec paused, finally chancing a look at Magnus, who was staring down at his drink, eyebrows drawn together. “We believe the true mirror to be Lake Lyn.”

Magnus tilted his head at the new information, as if thinking it over, but otherwise didn’t react, not that Alec had expected much of a reaction from him. “Thank you for telling me.”

The younger man nodded, keeping his gaze on the ground. He waited a moment, giving Magnus a chance to talk if he wanted, but when he didn’t, Alec simply nodded again, taking a step backwards before turning to leave, not wanting to stay where he clearly wasn’t welcome anymore.

 

-

 

Alec stopped with his hand on the door, knowing deep down that this was a now-or-never moment, that he may not get a chance to speak with Magnus like this again anytime soon.

“You said that when things get crazy I shouldn’t push you away, so why did you push me away?”

Magnus froze in his place where he’d just gotten up from the couch, he hadn’t expected Alec to linger any longer than necessary, nor did he expect for the Shadowhunter to be so outright with his question. He drained the rest of his drink, facing away from the other man, aware that his resolve wouldn’t last if he looked back.

“You told me that I shouldn’t push you away, no matter how hard things got. You told me to tell you when things were getting tough, and yet, instead of taking your own advice, you left, you didn’t even try to work things out.” Alec could hear his own voice break, knew it wouldn’t be long before the tears came, but he had to say it, otherwise he’d regret it. “I love you, Magnus, and I thought you loved me, but clearly, that isn’t enough.”

He couldn’t be there any longer, it was too much. He felt as if the walls were closing in on him, and he took a ragged breath in, determined to not cry, to not show any more weakness – he was a _Shadowhunter_ , they weren’t weak.

As he left, wanting to get as far possible from the other man, he missed the way that Magnus broke down, glass slipping from between his fingers, smashing as it hit the floor. He missed how Magnus sunk to his knees, ignoring the pain as the broken glass cut into his skin, the pain nothing compared to how his heart felt like it had been ripped in half. He missed the tears and the broken sobs and the shout of anguish.

Alec missed all of it, but not once did he look back.

**Author's Note:**

> originally, i was gonna write this with a happy ending, but i couldn't think of how i wanted it to go, so i ended up with this instead..
> 
> thanks for reading :) please comment with any suggestions you have about my writing or a fic you want me to write (i'm always looking for prompts and ideas)
> 
> follow me on twitter? [@chaarlielea](https://twitter.com/chaarlielea)


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